Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your pain with all of us. I hope you do feel that this is a safe place for you to grieve. I have not lost a parent yet either, so I can’t pretend to know what that is like. But I do know that God is near to the broken-hearted. Use this suffering to come closer to him. God allows us to suffer so we can know MORE of His love for us, not less. Speak to Him about your disappointment, even your anger, as well as your sorrow and loss. Know that He hears you and your mother hears your prayers as well! Only He can transform our sorrow into joy. Trust Him.