Oh Violeta- I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and the deep wound of not being able to be with her. I can not even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I have not lost a parent yet, but I am sure it is extremely hard and your circumstances with the pandemic made it even harder. A book that I did read regarding grief was called A Grief Unveiled By Gregory Floyd. It is about a father losing his son and him trying to come to grips with God’s goodness in the mist of unbearable suffering. When looking up the title for you, I also discovered that he wrote a sequel for 15 years later. I don’t know if these will help you, but I got a lot out of them regarding suffering and trusting in God. I will keep your entire family in my prayers and I hope that Jesus will begin to heal your hurting heart and comfort you with a sense of peace that only comes from Him. God bless you.